Judy Evans / The Dallas Morning News

It was a Christmas gift of life wrapped with a bow of love.

Paul Sharp of Rockwall raised the bar for sons-in-law when he offered one of his healthy kidneys to replace John Beck's failing ones.

"I always loved Paul, but I never expected him to do something like that," said Mr. Beck, the father of Mr. Sharp's wife, Shannon, and grandfather of the couple's daughters - Morgan, 8, and Madison, 4.

Many people donate organs to family members, said Pam Silvestri, spokeswoman for the Southwest Transplant Alliance, "but it's pretty unusual for in-laws to donate to one another."

Mr. Beck of Garland received his transplant Dec. 4 at Methodist Medical Center in Dallas.

"I'd seen the difficulties he had with dialysis and the problems with getting a transplant," said Mr. Sharp, 34. "I decided to educate myself on the Internet and look at it from a donor's perspective. The more I educated myself, the easier the decision became."

He read testimonials from people who had given organs years ago, before improvements in surgery made the procedure less invasive.

Mr. Sharp, who has B-positive blood to Mr. Beck's B-negative, was admitted to Methodist on a Thursday, went home that Saturday and was back at work the following Monday. His father-in-law, who is diabetic, was home in six days.

Mrs. Sharp gave the two most important men in her life her wholehearted support.

"The decision was instant when Paul told me what he had decided," she said. "I knew in my heart it was something he'd been pursuing for a long time. It was a very emotional time. We were both happy and nervous."

The couple announced their decision to Mr. Beck and his wife of 33 years, Dona, over dinner. "I knew they'd think of my health - Shannon and the girls," Mr. Sharp said.

"They sprung it on me," a teary-eyed Mr. Beck remembered. "He had done all of his homework before he told us. If I thought Paul had any reservations, I would have immediately backed out."Unfortunately, the relief was short-lived. The day before the scheduled surgery in December 2000, after the men had completed the required examinations, they were told the surgery would have to be postponed. One of Mr. Beck's tests had found "something" the doctors couldn't yet identify.

It was a nervous time for the Becks. He was on long-term disability from EDS, and his medical insurance would expire at the end of 2002. Then, a day after the test finding halted plans for the surgery, Mr. Beck learned that doctors had found a perfectly matched donor; Mr. Sharp would have been able to keep both of his kidneys. But the cloud over Mr. Beck's health meant the new organ had to be turned down.

Another setback Doctors soon had more bad news for the family. What the test had found turned out to be prostate cancer. They gave Mr. Beck a choice - have his prostate gland removed, which would keep him eligible for a transplant, or forgo the transplant and undergo chemotherapy.

"I chose to have it removed," he said. After the cancer surgery, in May 2001, the family was dealt another blow when doctors told them they couldn't be sure all the cancer was gone. That meant a delay of at least two years before the transplant could proceed.

"I had the blankest look on my face when they told me," Mr. Beck said. It gave his son-in-law more than two years to reconsider. But, Mr. Sharp said, "I had no second thoughts."

Today, Mr. Beck said, he feels better than he has in years. The surgery was nothing compared with the pain he had experienced. His diabetes acts up because of the pills he must take to prevent rejection of the organ, but that will subside as his body accepts the medication, he said.

"I've just got to be patient," Mr. Beck said, words he would return to again and again.
He's started walking again, and his doctor visits are down to one every two weeks, with a goal of one a year.

"We're getting back," his wife said. "We've had some bad times."

History of Trouble

Mr. Beck's journey into poor health began in the 1960s, when doctors diagnosed diabetes while he was serving as an Army medic. He received a medical discharge in 1968 - just before he would have shipped out for Vietnam.

Mr. Beck kept the diabetes under control until 10 years ago, when he began suffering kidney problems. Almost six years ago, his kidneys quit functioning, and he was forced to undergo dialysis three times a week.

"It was a complete shock," Mr. Beck said. "I had a very hard time with dialysis. My diabetes was acting up; my blood pressure would be low, and they'd have to turn off the machine until it went up. I was constantly tired. I hated going to dialysis."

He fought hard to stay positive, "but ... I really felt bad."

Seeing others bounce up after dialysis treatments made him feel worse: "I wanted to be able to feel like that."

To comprehend how hard it was on her husband, Mrs. Beck said, "you have to understand his pat answer has always been, 'It's OK, everything is going to be OK.' "

The experience hasn't made the family closer - they were close already - but it has made them more open about their problems.

"We've learned a ton," Mr. Sharp said. "I hope people will better educate themselves. It's not as scary as it once was."

'Selfless love'

Mrs. Sharp said she has explained to her daughters that their father"displayed the true meaning of selfless love."

"We thank God every night for giving us the best husband and the best father," she said. "Life is so precious. It's an incredible gift to give. We've all learned how precious life is."

For her father, life is good again. He volunteers for a new program at Methodist as a mentor to other kidney patients, and he will do the same at Towngate Dialysis Center in Garland. He has his family, including son Shawn and daughter-in-law Jennifer close by and two granddaughters who adore their Papa and Mimi.

He's also getting his life back.

"My personality is starting to come back; my smile's starting to come back," he said.

"I was brought up that men don't cry, but I've had many times ..."

Mr. Beck's voice trailed off as tears welled in his eyes."